Toilet Brush

Jeff Taylor. Fot. Sławomir Ostrowski

I’ve attempted several times to start a new entry of Streffa Jeffa but to no avail. The idea is there but nothing follows. So I’ll do what works and for me that’s jokes. A person who tells jokes has friends.

The first one is short but classic. Guaranteed to make you laugh. I’ve always told this as a „blonde” joke but they could be offended by such jokes, no matter how funny they are. However, I doubt „blondes” form a majority of my readership… so screw ’em.

Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because her blonde boyfriend is also pretty stupid.

Wait, I’m being so inconsiderate. If any of my readers have friends or family members who are blondes, then please, please, please, etc tell them this joke. However you may need to speak slowly.

Now a longer one and always a crowd-pleaser.

One day a villager Jan Burański, Johnny Burak, visited the village of Kapustkowo for its annual summer fair/festyn – Summer Days of Kapustkowo. Johnny took in all the attractions – smalec sandwiches, the sale of shitty souveneirs, cotton candy sign, roasted kielbasa with squirt of mustard and a slice of bread, the sale of smoked meat and kielbasa for consumption at home, a d.j. playing disco polo and last but not least a dico polo concert buy the popular band The Village Boyz.

Johnny had been waiting for this event since he saw the posters weeks ago. He knew he would eat a lot of kielbasa washed down with watery beer in cheap plastic cups and had been saving money from his chores. Cleaning cow shit from the fields. Washing the outhouse (wychodek). Taking his parents’, grandparents’, great grandparents’, brothers’, sisters’, their children’s empty returnable vodka bottles to the local shop for the deposit (2000zl all together).

In addition to the aforementioned attractions, Johnny could enter contests with the possibility of winning from selection of prizes. In a future entry, I’ll explain the whole contest and how it is banned in most Polish towns. But anyway, Johnny took part in one contest …. and he won! He had never won anything in his life, and here he was… the best of all the able-bodied male villagers. Even though it would take months to get the stink out of his hair, he was quite pleased with himself. Best of all the, the grand prize was… a toilet brush.

God he admired it! On his way home he held it over his head and swinging it around. Prancing down the country road like a little village fairy with his toilet wand. Johnny couldn’t wait to get home to try out his new toilet brush.

So, the next day the sun rose. Farmers went out with their cows to the fields. Old ladies walked to church. Drunks staggered home. And Johnny walked in to town.

A friend asked him, „So Johnny, how do you like your new toilet brush?”

Johnny replied, „Not bad…but I prefer paper.”

(jt/bsc)