After living in Poland

fot. Sławomir Ostrowski

After living in Poland for almost twenty-two years, I still don’t know or understand soemthings which would help me feel like I completely belong here. People constantly assume that I am Polish but here is a list of examples which mark me as an outsider. So here is today’s „Streffa Jeffa List” – Why is Jeff still a Foreigner?”:

1) I never remember what is the „male symbol” on the doors of public toilets – circle or upside down triangle.

2) I haven’t mastered all the handshaking rules e.g. Do I shake everybody’s hand when I enter a room? Do I automatically shake women’s hands first? If I meet in the street my friend who is accompanied by their friend – somebody I don’t know, do I shake their hand as well? How hard do I shake somebody’s hand i.e. Enough to cause wrist and elbow problems? Do I avoid shaking hands with „lesser” people: teenage boys, pupils, teenagers, my students? Etc.

3) I don’t know all the words to „Sto Lat” in its entirety. The word „pomyślności” always messes me up.

4) I cannot and generally refuse to watch television with Mr. Monotone i.e lektor w telewizji.

5) I’ve never found the classic comedy „Rejs” funny.

6) I don’t like kissing men on Christmas Eve when sharing the wafer.

7) I absolutely hate ketchup on pizza.

8) Pierogi?

9) What’s the point of visiting Sopot? Molo?

See you next time. At the end, check out Billy Bragg singing with Wilco.