Polish inguage

Jeff Taylor. Fot. Sławomir Ostrowski

To wish is for God
I cannot compete
With his spoiled ones
To speak their
Cursed damn tongue.

Poles! A great nation, a proud nation, a nation of heritage, culture, sports achievements, defeating communism.

But when it comes to your language you guys are a bunch of pricks.

You’re so snobby about Polish. „Oh, it’s the most difficult language in the world.”

But do you make any attempt to encourage us foreigners to learn your language? To ease the process?

Allow me to present a Polish language for beginners in Poland based on my experience. My second day in Olsztyn in Novemeber 1991, Poles asked me if I knew any Polish. Before leaving America, I had attempted to learn some few basic words „cześć, dziękuję, przepraszem and piwo.” Additionally, on the long train ride from Geneva to Poland (that’s another story) I practiced that stupid word „przeprzaszem.” Over and over again until I sounded like a little child with a speech impediment.

Anyway, I proudly replied with those few Polish words with which I had struggled and in return was I praised? „Good for you!” „Not bad!” „Good luck.”

No, instead I heard words that have been described by other foreigners as sounding like words used to summon Satan.

„Chrząść brzmi w trzcinie.”

Those stupid Polish tongue twisters.

I can’t function at all in this damn country and they want me to say something that could seriously injure my tongue. What a bunch of sick fucks.

After many years I can now say that phrase but not the full sentence. And don’t get me started about that stupid table with four broken legs.

So now, looking back on those days I wish I had learnt another useful Polish phrase to serve as the perfect reply to this stupid request.

„Spi*rdal*j.”

(łw)