Drunken writing

Jeff Taylor. Fot. Sławomir Ostrowski

Easter is here and I know what you’ve all doig today. That’s right..drinking alcohol. The big holidays, Christmas and Easter, in Poland are important but after 24 years of doing the same thing every year, it gets boring. Come on, the Easter breakfast is just lunch but we’re not making sandwiches. So, as tiring as it is for me to celebrate the tradition of tedium, at least we drink here.

In America they’re obessed with recreating Christmas from the commercials and movies but it’s without alcohol.

I’m not a drinker. Not a compulsive drinker. Not an alcholic. I don’t have the physical urge to drink alcohol. However, I enjoy drinking. Not a lot. There’s an appropriate time time to drink any type of alcohol. Wine with supper. Shots of vodka at weddings. Margartias on a summer evening. Gin and tonics the next evening. Beer with friends. Tequilla sunrises. White Russians while watching the Big Lebowski. Zubrowka and tonic. The list goes on. Give a time or a day and I’ll suggest a suitable alcohol.

So Easter Sunday, I had already eaten enough ham, watched too much bad TV, and out of boredom I started to write this blog entry. Or did I start to drink out of boredom? And because I was getting a bit drunk (Easter drunk – the best drunk), I was inspired with a great idea for the blog. No, alcoholics drink because they are bored, not I. Anyway, that’s not relevant. I had some mixed drinks, enoyed myself, felt good and started to write. At this point I realized that for the first time I was drunk while writing.

People have their various acivities that they enjoy doing. Watching television. Sports. Horse-riding. Cleaning. Taking a shit. Most likely these same people enjoy drinking as well. But do they enoy doing these activities while drinking? In this mode of thinking, I wondered what I like to do under the influence of alcohol.

Right from the start, I’ll tell you what I don’t like doing when drunk. Can’t tell from experience, but I’ll start with driving a car. If this not stated, you may think I have driven drunk. So I repeat, I have never done it, but I’m certain I wouldn’t enjoy driving a car drunk. Saying that, riding a bicycle drunk is not fun. Nor is teaching uder the influence fun; please note that I use the phrase „under the influence” not „drunk.” Another one on the „no” list is being drunk in a church. Again I stress, I wasn’t drunk in church, I think, just feeling the effects of drinking five or six beers the night before with friends. I wasn’t drunk, but I wouldn’t have driven that morning. Suprisingly, the final item is playing guitar and drinking. Rock stars always brag of performing wasted, and I assumed I would want to do it as well since I’m a budding rock star. However, it’s just not fun. When I’m playing my heart out, I want to clearly aware that there are around ten people in the audience politely, but enthusiastically cheering.

Now, on to the good stuff. What do I enjoy doing when drinking? When this idea came to me on a boring Easter day, I assumed this list would go on for a couple pages. However, writing a blog entry often lasts a couple days, and four days later on March 30th I’m completely sober and thinking hard of a couple things which are fun drunk. Fortunately, I do have at least two.

The previous sentence started with „fortunately,” and this one begins with „unfortuantely.” Unfortuantely, as I continue writing this blog entry sober and in the druken state during Easter, I realize I should not go into great detail about the joys of sex while feeling an alchohol buzz. I’ll just say it and end it like that. However, the other activity with a glass of alcohol is cooking. It’s not very rock-n-roll, but the perfect afternoon for me is sipping some scotch, wine or tequilla sunrise while cooking – pizza, chili, cookies or a full Thanksgiving dinner for ten guests who will be arriving in four hours. Top off the scene with a c.d. playing from the stereo system and you have a version of paradise that I could be satisfied with.

I’m not particularly proud of this blog entry. A big babbling mess but in the end there is a lesson to learn here.

Drinking is not necessarily bad. Depends what you’re else you’re doing at the same time.

Remember, don’t drink…while having sex…and driving your car…through the front door of church….when there is a funeral.

And most importantly, don’t drink …. and try to write a blog entry.

(jt/bsc)