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Jeff Taylor. Fot. Sławomir Ostrowski

Today for Streffa Jeffa another round of „Who Sucks More?” We battle Joe Cocker against Rod Stewart. Both of these singers have made millions reinterpreting all artists’ songs: Joe Cocker – „With a Little Help from My Friends”(The Beatles) and Rod Stewart – „Downtown Train” (Tom Waits).

Another similarity is their raspy singing voices and thus one reason I’m battling these two.  Honestly, I like the way they sing, but their crime to humanity and its ears is inspiring millions to try singing the same raspy way. Just because you’re copying doesn’t mean you’re good. More often than not you suck. Other singers who bear the cross of having shitty copy-cats are Leonard Cohen, Eddie Vedder and most of all Louis Armstrong. All you shitty singers, stop singing „What a  Wonderful World”! There used to be one guy singing/playing guitar in Olsztyn’s Old Town and summer evenings it sounded as if he was trying to imitate Bono or Eddie Vedder. Unfortunately he reminded me of Cher or a moose having sex.

Already, Rod Stewart has the advantage of sucking more, as I mentioned in the last Streffa Jeffa arguing that both Bryan Adams and Sting suck. Rod Stewart was an accomplice with those two in the worst song ever „All for Love (One for all)” from „The Three Muskateers”(1992).

Tangent time (going off on another subjetct unrelated to the present one). Is there any movie/song/group/book that you have never experienced but you still hate? For me, the movie is „The Three Muskateers”. Just an excuse for some actors to sport long hair and 90s-era goatees. Plus the song is just the sinker. In the group category, it’s The Smiths (sorry all my English friends). The more I read about this group, the more I’m sure I would not like them. Morrisey’s high feminine warbly voice and Johnny Marr’s jangley guitar – a bit overly serious and not rocking at all.

Back to the matter at hand, who sucks more? I would like to say that Joe Cocker sucks less only for the reason of his performance of „With a Little Help from My Friends” at Woodstock. If you haven’t listened and watched this, then do it right now. This is how I would like to imagine angels – hairy, tie-dyed, tripping on drugs and singing with all dirty fuckin’ growling soul. Fuck the harps.

However, let’s discuss recent output by these two singers. Furthermore I have to blame Radio Z and shitty radio stations for my conclusion. If Radio Z played Joe Cocker songs from when he was cool, I would definitely declare him less suckier. Unfortuantely, I have to hear his covers of „Summer in the City”, „Have a Little Faith in Me” or  that Inxs song. So I conclude that Rod Stewart’s recent covers suck less than Joe Cocker’s. Thus (my favourite word), Joe Cocker sucks more.

To end this entry of Streffa Jeffa, a little surprise and contest. In the title I’ve included a secret message. The first person to figure it out and inform me will get a beer, or if you are below 18 years old a nice handshake. Good luck!

(łw)